Get my App
Link to Me
Save the badge above and link to www://kennamckinnonauthor.com/
Most Popular Posts
-
It is my pleasure to welcome author Mari Collier to my blog today. We’ll start out with a few questions. If you choose not to a...
-
This book is called The Insanity Machine because in 1978 Kenna McKinnon chatted with another inmate in the old 5C forensic psychiatr... -
A Lovecraftian short story I wrote. Enjoy, folks, and don't forget the comments! I also would like the opportunity to publish it! ...
-
Roy Huff I'm delighted to be interviewing the multitalented and charismatic author, worl d tr aveler, and research scientist ... -
Battling Bikers Eileen Schuh, Author The heck with vampires when you can battle bikers! Many teens love reading about the ... -
Hi, good readers. I recently removed the CAPTCHA requirement, you know, the word you have to type in to leave a comment. Since then I'...
-
Where do I go from here? Where I've been Came from the depths of obscurity and mental illness to that place called author. Ki...
-
My publisher, Creativia, suggested we change the name of Red Herrings to something "more mysterious" and I came up with several s...
-
Space Oddities and Curious Lack of Warning Steve would have had something interesting and unique to say about this. He was interested...
-
Red Herrings was featured on Book Goodies , but now it's buried on the first page. I regret I don't keep up my website/blog, a...
Featured on Buck Books
Thursday, May 19, 2016
CRIMINAL EMBARRASSMENT - A SKIT IN 4 ACTS
I wrote this a couple of years ago in a longer, and somewhat raunchier, format. This has been edited and shortened, and I present it to you as a little skit in four acts.Would you pay a ticket price to come see this in a local theatre?
Criminal Embarrassment
A
Skit
By Kenna Mary McKinnon
Act
1
A classroom. There are pots of orchids on shelves
along the side and back. Professor Froot Loops at a lectern with a laser
pointer in her right hand. A flowered cane leans on the wall beside her. Helen
Wheels sits at a study desk poring over some papers, a large textbook open in
front of her. A whiteboard behind Professor Froot Loops spells out in Greek,
words and phrases of exorbitant praise for the professor. “Concrete Flats
University – Glenora Annex” written in large letters on top of whiteboard.
Helen: (Looks
up and smiles). Well, here's our past, Professor Froot Loops.
Prof: This
is where it began, Helen Wheels. You and I in a classroom together and we ended
up in a courtroom. (She moves her arm
and the red pointer light descends on Helen’s head. Prof becomes more agitated
each second as the red light simply harmlessly shines down Helen’s body.)
Helen: (Sips
on a slush type drink). Yup, Mrs. Froot Loops, studying Greek. It’s all Greek
to me. By the way, I brought my dog. That’s how it all started. She’s on the
lawn outside.
Prof: That’s Professor Froot Loops to you, Mrs.
Wheels. Stupid, Stupid, Stupid. (pause) What kind of dog?
Helen: She’s
a Great Dane.
Prof: Great
Scott. (walks to window and looks out).
Helen: Her
name is Killer.
Prof: Where
is she now? If she bothers my little Precious, I’ll strike her severely with my
cane.
Helen: Precious
is getting frisky with Killer’s leg. He took a shine to my ankle on the way in.
I heard Dachshunds such as Precious have back problems. You ought to be more
careful.
Prof: Keep
that big pervert away from my Precious!
Helen: Too
late.
Prof: (Picks
up cane and smacks it against the window). Chorus outside of “Don’t Pet the
Dog”. There are children in the neighborhood, Mrs. Wheels. You’re such a bad
example.
Chorus:
“Don’t pet the dog
He
gets it confused with romance…
Just
leave him alone or the next thing you know
He’ll
be asking your ankle to dance…”
Helen: You
don’t know how sorry I am. (Puts head in arms and sobs).
Prof: What’s
wrong now? If you won’t tell me what’s wrong, I can’t help you. Don’t be so
vague.
Helen: (Eyes
streaming). If you must know, I’m allergic to orchids.
Prof: My
husband will protect my orchis militaris
with his life. Don’t you talk about my orchids in this classroom, and don’t you
let that Great Dane near my husband or my Precious. Dear Mr. Froot Loops. I
love him so. He’s in the back with the wheelbarrow and the flowers right now.
(Tall man leans into window and waves, dirt on his face, then ducks from view
and disappears). Your dog dare not come near my sayrion or my Eddy. (leans out window) Ed! Ed! Get that Great Dane
out of here! And bring me a box of miniature chocolates. I feel faint and need sweets.
Helen: My
dog assaulted your dachshund. I admit it.
Prof: I’m
not finished. You took duct tape and tied up my cats and rabbits, and left them
helpless in the washroom. (She starts to cry and flings the laser pointer
across the classroom downstage, where it falls on the floor still shining).
Helen: I
did what?
Prof: Don’t
deny it, you pervert. Your dog is a pervert too. It could be years before my
Precious gets over this trauma. If ever.
Helen: Why
don’t we go see? Cogito ergo sum. E
pluribus unum.
Prof: I
completely disagree with you. And don’t get fancy with me, missy.
Helen: (Rises
from her desk and goes to the window downstage, singing “Don’t Pet the Dog”.
Eddy Froot Loops comes into the room stage left strumming a portable keyboard. He carries a huge box of miniature chocolates under his arm.
They all join in the chorus of “Don’t Pet the Dog”.)
They lean out the window staring into the yard. There
is loud deep barking, followed by a yelp growing faint.
Prof: My
arthritis hurts so bad, I’ll hardly be able to limp to the courthouse to file a
complaint. My, these are delicious. (Takes a chocolate from the box).
Mr. Froot Loops: Now
that I finally have a job, I worry about leaving you at home, little lotus
blossom.
Helen: Upon
my word of honor, I’m innocent, Mr. Ed. (Mr. Froot Loops smirks and pounds on
the keyboard loudly. Helen helps herself to a chocolate.)
Act
2
Helen Wheels and her friend Chicken Little are in the
back of Kelly’s Pub making cookies in the kitchen. Smoke emerges from the oven.
They are drinking from amber glasses and singing a drinking song. A dog howls
in the yard outside.
Helen: I
think I burned these cookies, Chicken Little.
Chicken: Speak
up, Wheels. You know I’m hard of hearing. Did you say you took a turn for the
worse?
Helen: I
BURNED THESE.
Chicken: No
need to yell. I think you did take a turn for the worse. You’re looking a bit
red in the face. I think you burned the cookies, though. (They put the cookies
into a tin and Helen picks up her phone).
Helen: I’m
calling Mr. Instant Delivery. Professor Froot Loops will love these cookies. I
bet she’ll be thrilled to get them. What time is it?
Chicken: It’s
about midnight. I’m supposed to close down the pub at one. You got a thank you
card?
Helen: I’m
apologizing, Chick.
Chicken: You’re
apocalyptic?
Helen: (sighs)
Yes, I’ve got a thank you card.
Chicken: Good.
I thought we were near the end times.
Helen: (Tapes
the tin shut and writes something on the tin). Now we’re safe. The cookies are
sprinkled and I’ll call the All Nite courier. They’ll meet us out back. (Dials
and speaks briefly into her cell phone).
Chicken: Oh,
that’s good. I’m sure she’ll like them.
Helen: I
ruined her book. I ruined her lawn. I ruined her dog. And she can’t find her
cats or bunny rabbits. I’m a failure. I had so hoped for better things.
Chicken: She’ll
be so happy to know you’re sorry, Hell.
Helen: I
can just imagine how thrilled they’ll be when they open the cookie tin.
Sound of car stopping outside. Helen and Chicken exit
through a door marked “Alley”. Sound of car pulling away. A dog howls.
Act
3
Helen Wheels sits in a courtroom with lawyer and
witnesses on stage right. Prosecutor is sitting on stage left with the two
Plaintiffs, Mr. and Mrs. Froot Loops. Chorus sits downstage left and right.
Bailiff enters stage right.
Bailiff: All
rise. Here comes de judge.
(Judge enters in black robes and takes his seat).
Bailiff: Order
in the court.
Chicken: I’ll
have a fish sandwich.
Mr. Froot Loops: Same
here. With fries.
Prof: I’ll
have what he has.
Bailiff: Order
in the court.
Chicken: I’ll
have…
Bailiff: Stop
that.
Judge: What
is the charge, Ms. Tagonist?
Court Reporter: (reads)
Criminal embarrassment of the first degree.
Prosecutor: Kill
her!
Judge: Steady,
Anne.
Prosecutor: Sorry,
sir. I got carried away.
Judge: We
can arrange that. Order in the court.
Chicken: Okay,
two hotdogs…
Prosecutor: Kill
the witness.
Judge: How
do you plead?
Helen: Not
guilty, your honor. (looks at lawyer)
Lawyer: Your
Honor, we intend to prove my client was in Kelly’s pub at the time of the
alleged offence.
Prosecutor: Do
you have a drinking problem, Mrs. Wheels?
Helen: No
problem. I drink, fall down, get up, drink again. No problem.
Prosecutor: Where
were you at midnight on the night of March 17?
Helen: I
was in Kelly’s pub.
Prosecutor: Were
you not in front of the Froot Loops house in Glenora delivering cookies?
Helen: No,
your Honorableness.
Prosecutor: Those
cookies are Exhibit A, seized as evidence by police and analyzed in the
forensic lab by five police officers working overtime for twelve hours each.
Did the cookies not contain flour and
sugar and baking soda and chocolate
sprinkles?
Helen: I
plead guilty to that, your Honor. I do make the occasional cookie.
Prosecutor: Does
Kelly’s pub have a kitchen in the back?
Helen: Maybe.
Prosecutor: I
rest my case.
Court reporter: Slow
down. Chocolate sprinkles…
Lawyer: Objection!
Prof: Boo
hoo. (Takes out tissue and wipes eyes).
Mr. Froot Loops: There,
there, dear. We can go home soon and water the orchids.
Judge: Order
in the court.
Bailiff: Okay,
I’ll have a…
Judge: Stop
that!
Lawyer: Objection.
My client is being harassed.
Judge: Objection
sustained.
Prosecutor: Hang
her! Hang them all.
(Chicken Little takes stand).
Prosecutor: What
did you do with the cookies?
Chicken: We
put them in a tin and delivered them to the Youth Shelter. They’ll eat anything
with chocolate sprinkles on it.
Prosecutor: Objection!
And when did Mrs. Wheels leave the pub?
Chicken: Helen
stayed until the pub closed at midnight then we went home together.
Judge: Ah!
Prosecutor: Objection.
The witness and defendant are obviously very dangerous perverts.
Judge: Overruled.
Prosecutor: Hang
them!
Lawyer: You
may step down now. (Chicken Little sits down).
(Chorus sings first verse of the Drinking Song). Drink,
drink, drink…
Judge: Stop
that.
Prof: Oh,
DEAR, I can’t stand to be in the same room as that pervert.
Mr. Foot Loops: There,
there, dear. We’ll be home soon with your kitty binky.
Prof: Oh,
I love you so, dear Mr. Froot Loops.
Mr. Froot Loops, glaring at the Defendant: Hang her!
(Judge recesses court then returns almost immediately,
fluffs his black robes and sits).
Bailiff: All
rise! Here comes de judge.
Judge: I
have made my decision.
(Chorus sings first verse of Oh Sweet Mystery of
Life).
Bailiff: Stop
that.
Judge: Order
in the court.
Chicken: I
wouldn’t touch that line with a ten foot…
Prosecutor: Kill
her! She’s guilty of being… trite.
Judge: Not
guilty due to insanity.
Lawyer: Insanity?
Prosecutor: Insanity?
Judge: The
charge is insane. Therefore, not guilty due to insanity. I find you guilty of a
lesser offense.
Lawyer: What
is the verdict?
Judge: Guilty
of making poor quality cookies. They were burned, you say? Disgusting.
Helen: I’m
sorry, your Honor. I honestly won’t do it again.
Judge: I
sentence you to a day of community service at the Glenora Community League
kitchen learning how to make proper cookies.
Helen: Thank
you, your Honor.
Judge: Case
dismissed.
Bailiff: There
go de judge. All rise.
Act
4
Several women carrying signs printed in large pink
and yellow letters, Women’s Temperance
League and carrying black and white pots of orchids, surround a black
limousine which is pulling up in front of the courtroom outside.
Journalist: (Taking
pictures and speaking into a microphone). Here ends a very curious case, ladies
and gentlemen. The underdog appears to have been vindicated. But wait…could it
be? A large black limo is pulling up to the front of the courthouse with men in
brown shirts wearing dark glasses. Ladies and gentlemen, this is incredible!
The president of Concrete Flats University is here and he’s carrying off the
Froot Loops in the back of his limousine. There are brown shirts everywhere.
They appear to be from Security. What is the meaning of this?
Prosecutor: (Standing
outside with the wind whipping her silver hair about her face, speaking into
the microphone). I’m the prosecutor, Anne Tagonist, sir. We intend to appeal,
Mr. Macy. This crime cannot go unpunished. Death to all perverts! Hang the
infidel and her cookies! We prefer chocolate!
Journalist: Do
you mean to say this is not the end of the drama, Ms. Tagonist?
Prof (leaning out the window of the car): I don’t want anything bad to happen to the
Defendant. I am a good person… HANG HER! Non
carborondum illegitimus!
(The Women’s Temperance League bursts into song and
throws orchids at the limousine. Professor Froot Loops leans further out the
window and playfully smacks the ladies with her cane, including Ms.
Androgynous, who squeals with delight).
Prof: Take
that, Ms. Androgynous.
Ms. A: Oh, Frooty! That hurts your
dear Ms. Androgynous. Tee hee.
Lawyer: We
appeal the appeal.
Limousine drives away, covered with orchids. Several
of the Women’s Temperance League have been knocked down by the blows of the
cane.
Chorus: (sings
to the tune of The Drinking Song) Think, think, think…
Prosecutor: Order!
Chicken: Make
mine an Irish soda bread, with beer. (She and Helen leave the scene arm in
arm).
Journalist: Wait
a minute, ladies and gentlemen. Could it be? (Professor staggers down the
street, leaning on her cane. Mr. Froot Loops follows her, pushing on her hips).
Prof: They
threw me out of the car onto the pavement! My satyrion were choking them.
Mr. Froot Loops: Me
too. (coughs) I think I’m allergic to orchids. (Prof dances the can can with
her cane and sings “Putting on the Ritz.”)
Prof: Where
is that pervert?
Mr. Froot Loops: I’m
right here, dear. (She hits him with her cane and they link arms and run off
stage left, he ducking her blows).
(The Chorus links arms and continues to dance the can
can, tossing cookies into the air. A dachshund runs across the front of the
stage followed by a large dog, followed by the Professor hopping and waving her
cane into the air, swearing in Greek at the dogs. Mr. Froot Loops runs on stage
behind her, steps in dog excrement, examines his shoe, and exits stage left.
Chorus falls silent).
Journalist: I
think justice has been done.
Mr. Froot Loops comes leaping back from stage right,
joins his wife, and they stand together center stage, she leaning on her cane
and he holding a pot of orchids in one hand and a can of beer in the other. He
sniffs the orchids deeply, burps and coughs.
Prof: We’ll
appeal!
Mr. Froot Loops: You’re
very appealing, Mrs. ‘Cute little Juniper
berry’. Have you taken your meds today? (She hits him with her cane and puts
her hand on his thigh. He throws the pot of orchids into the air and the entire
cast dances on stage covered with blossoms, and they all sing, Don’t Pet the Dog.)
THE
END
Monday, May 16, 2016
How I spent my Sunday
Dear peeps, happy Monday to you, and may I be alliterative and call it Happy Monday Madness.Monday is one of my favorite days, but so is Friday. Friday is the rest and fun time of the week, and Monday is a new beginning, every week. I don't know what is ahead for the week but it's probably a new adventure, a new surprise with every day, and the chance for the mail to bring something interesting.
How did I spend my Sunday?
I brought my djembe African drum to a drum circle outside in the Legislature grounds on Sunday afternoon. It was so much fun and I learned something about drumming, too, as I'm just a beginner. A friend came with me and tried to strike up a conversation with a group I wouldn't have chosen to talk to, they were unresponsive and probably smoking up. She even offered to lend them my drum to beat their (broken) sticks on, and I quickly moved her away from them, afraid for the safety of my drum if not her. She is responsible for herself, but my drum is my responsibility.
 |
| Kids in a park, like Sunday, without the flowers |
 |
| Not a djembe, this is a bongo drum, the drumming circle accepts all drums |
There were a whole lot of people there, playing games, eating picnic lunches, walking their dogs, families with children, and some came over and took pictures of the drummers. There's a drumming circle every Sunday there at four o'clock for the summer, and I'll certainly go back. The LRI stops at Grandin Station, which is right there, and my friend gave me a ride today, then we went to Earl's for a nice salad.
Overall, a good weekend,and now I'll continue with social media and more importantly, my "real" life.
How about you? What did you do for the weekend, and have you ever tried drumming?
This blog post brought to you by SHORT CIRCUIT AND OTHER GEEK STORIES, now on Amazon worldwide, available in print and eBook. Look for the trailer soon.
Thursday, May 12, 2016
Blood Sister(s) - a change of name
My publisher, Creativia, suggested we change the name of Red Herrings to something "more mysterious" and I came up with several suggestions. We finally decided on "Blood Sisters" but as my Facebook friends commented, there is only one female star in the book, and so it shouldn't be plural.
I've emailed my publisher and asked to change it to singular "Blood Sister".
What do you think? Any comments or suggestions for a better name? It was on Amazon for a few months as a self-published eBook under the name "Red Herrings" and some of my readers prefer that name.
Here's the brief synopsis to "Red Herrings" -- or what will be known as "Blood Sister"...
Annie Hansen, a young (twenty-four) female schizophrenic private eye, must solve a grisly murder in the small island town of Serendipity, Canada. She is a suspect herself, and her boyfriend Samir and his cousin Pepsi may have been on the scene. A not-so-popular doctor, Dr. William Hubert, and the mayor of Serendipity, Rick Spacey, were both murdered, presumably by the same person, and both in a macabre manner. Mark, a handsome detective, teams up with Annie to help solve the murders. Was it drugs or money that prompted the crimes? Who is MASER, a cryptic message left on the doctor's charts, and what message remains on Doc Hubert's laptop memory stick and hard drive that would help Annie and Mark to solve the crimes?THIS POST BROUGHT TO YOU BY "SHORT CIRCUIT AND OTHER GEEK STORIES" available on Amazon worldwide now.
From the group home where Annie and Samir share a room, to the last romantic scene on her float house, when the mystery has been untangled, Red Herrings lives up to its name, replete with red herrings and information about Samir's medical condition, mental illness as experienced by Annie and her method of coping with delusions and hallucinations, and the cleverness of a network of friends who help solve a nationally-exposed crime in a small island town.
Monday, May 9, 2016
Monday Blues
Monday starts a new week for those who work M-F nine to five, and it is understandably a "blue Monday" for some who enjoy the weekends. I hope you like the relaxing little song I'm attaching to this blog today, and have a wonderful Monday, everyone. You never know what the week will bring. I always feel excited about a Monday coming up. A new week! New adventures! New opportunities!
My condolences to those who must wake up to an alarm clock. It's not Groundhog's Day, though, and this is a new beginning to a new week.
Catch a cuppa java at your favorite bistro or better yet, brew it yourself at home and maybe get up ten minutes early for a nice healthy breakfast.
What's your favorite day of the week? Mine is Friday.
Friday, May 6, 2016
New 5-Star Review for Short Circuit
Music of the spheres rounds out this quirky collection of short stories written in memory of my son, Steve Wild, 1968-2012. He had a quirky sense of humor and loved robots and "hard" SF - he may very well have loved these tales, first published after his death the last day of summer 2012 at the age of 44.
Bjonsmom said, "Even if you don’t understand Geekology (is that a word?), you will find nothing opaque or incomprehensible to the layperson in McKinnon’s book. Any technical terminology is so artfully blended into the prose that what you will find are a collection of fictional vignettes that are either touching, hilarious, captivating, satirical, delicious, and any number of adjectives that come to mind. Using the least amount of words that deliver the maximum impact, Short Circuit creates vistas of imagery that are usually found in longer narratives. Every ending is a surprise, like a genie jumping out of a giant birthday cake.McKinnon has one of those creative minds that can wander uninhibited into fictional terrains to create snappy short stories that are more like abstract paintings. Each tale creates a completely alternate literary universe: a little metaphysical, a bit mythological, often poetic and poignant, a touch Biblical, at times moving and intimate, and often a little bit scary.You’ll find how technology is overtaking humanity (especially household chores), some thoughts on immortality or making deals with the devil; some cross-cultural mishaps, the pairing of soulmates, and maybe some alien bees or wasps, or both. One thing for sure, you will never want to take a shower again using a curtain with colorful animal appliques. OMG."
Sunday, April 24, 2016
Brand new printing!
Great News! Short Circuit and Other Geek Stories.
My new publisher, Creativia, has released my book of short stories in memorial for my son Steve Wild. The eBook is on Amazon right now. The print book will be available soon.
From a robot who kills to a robot who loves, stories of death and the music of the spheres, there's a story in here for every SF reader.
Monday, January 25, 2016
Andy Smithson Series with author L. R. W. Lee - if you loved Harry Potter!
If you loved Harry Potter,
you’ll love the Andy Smithson series chock full of mythical creatures, newly
invented animals like zolt, herewolves, and therewolves, a complex plot with
evolving characters, and positive themes including responsibility, diligence,
dignity, friendship and more.
THE
BUZZ
5 Stars! - “A marvelous book in a great series!” – Erik Weibel (Age
14) This Kid Reviews Books Blog
“Readers of
this series have come to anticipate a host of challenges, intense battles, and
on an epic scale. In Vision of the Griffin’s Heart, you won’t be disappointed. For
lovers of fantasy, I consider it a must read.” – Richard Weatherly, Author
Names are also important in this
series (a few examples):
·
Andy means brave or courageous.
·
Alden means helper.
·
Hannah means favor or grace.
·
Imogenia means blameless.
Alchemy used throughout the series (a few examples):
·
Alchemy played a significant role
in the development of modern science. Alchemists sought to transform base metals into the gold or silver and/or develop an elixir of life which would confer youth and longevity and even
immortality.
·
In the series, the first instance
of alchemy begins with the gold weavers, Max, Oscar, and Henry, spinning straw
into gold to manufacture the wealth of the kingdom.
·
The four elementals: air, earth,
fire, and water are then seen on Methuselah’s hilt.
The titles of the books manifest
yet another layer of meaning and reveal Imogenia’s evolution.
·
Beginning with Blast of the
Dragon’s Fury, Imogenia is furious at what has happened to her and she fuels
her emotional hurt.
·
In Venom of the Serpent’s
Cunning, Imogenia turns venomous (or spiteful) and cunning in seeking ways to
continually punish her brother.
·
Disgrace of the Unicorn’s Honor
has Imogenia act in a manner disgraceful to the honor of royalty.
·
In Resurrection of the Phoenix’s
Grace we see Imogenia’s grace reborn as she begins to reflect.
·
In Vision of the Griffin’s Heart,
Imogenia realizes she is gripped by hatred and distrust she has harbored for so
long. Unlike griffins who choose to
trust others, Imogenia cannot yet make that leap when it comes to her brother.
L. R. W. Lee
credits her love of fantasy with her introduction to C. S. Lewis' Chronicles of
Narnia. Later on, she enjoyed the complex world of Middle Earth brought to life
by J. R. R. Tolkien in Lord of the Rings and The Hobbit. The multiple
dimensions of the worlds mixed with a layer of meaning, captivated her and made
her desire to invent Young Adult Fantasy and Epic Fantasy worlds others could
get lost in, but also take meaning away from. More recently, L. R. W. Lee has
found inspiration from J. K. Rowling and her Harry Potter series as well as
Brandon Mull and his best selling Fablehaven, Beyonders and Five Kingdoms
series.
L. R. W. Lee writes to teach her readers principles that can transform their lives – overcoming frustration, impatience, fear and more. She also shows why responsibility, diligence and dignity are the keys to true success in life. She lives in scenic Austin, TX with her husband. Their daughter is a Computer Engineer for Microsoft and their son serves in the Air Force.
Subscribe to:
Posts
(Atom)