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A Lovecraftian short story I wrote. Enjoy, folks, and don't forget the comments! I also would like the opportunity to publish it! ...
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Featured on Buck Books
Tuesday, May 15, 2012
Paraprosdokian (Churchill loved these)
I'll be in beautiful sunny Vancouver when you read this, taking a long overdue vacation. I'll be back on Thursday, May 24th.
High five.
In the meantime, enjoy and think about the following:
A paraprosdokian is a phrase or sentence that leads us down the garden path
to an unexpected ending. "Where there's a will, I want to be in it," is a
paraprosdokian. Winston Churchill loved them.
1. Do not argue with an idiot.
He will drag you down to his level
and beat you with experience.
2. The last thing I want to do is hurt you.
But it's still on my list.
3. Light travels faster than sound.
This is why some people appear
bright until you hear them speak.
4. If I agreed with you, we'd both be wrong.
5. We never really grow up, we only learn how to act in public.
6. War does not determine who is right - only who is left.
7. Knowledge is knowing a tomato is a fruit.
Wisdom is not putting it in a fruit salad.
8. Evening news is where they begin with 'Good Evening,'
and then proceed to tell you why it isn't.
9. To steal ideas from one person is plagiarism.
To steal ideas from many is research.
10. A bus station is where a bus stops.
A train station is where a train stops.
On my desk, I have a work station.
11. I thought I wanted a career.
Turns out I just wanted paychecks.
12. Whenever I fill out an application, in the part that says,
'In case of emergency, notify:' I put 'DOCTOR.'
13. I didn't say it was your fault, I said I was blaming you.
14. A clear conscience is the sign of a fuzzy memory.
17. You do not need a parachute to skydive.
You only need a parachute to skydive twice.
18. Money can't buy happiness,
but it sure makes misery easier to live with.
19. There's a fine line between cuddling
and holding someone down so they can't get away.
20. I used to be indecisive. Now I'm not so sure.
21. You're never too old to learn something stupid.
22. To be sure of hitting the target, shoot first
and call whatever you hit the target.
23. Nostalgia isn't what it used to be.
24. Change is inevitable, except from a vending machine.
25. Going to church doesn't make you a Christian
any more than standing in a garage makes you a car.
26. Where there's a will, there are relatives.
High five.
In the meantime, enjoy and think about the following:
A paraprosdokian is a phrase or sentence that leads us down the garden path
to an unexpected ending. "Where there's a will, I want to be in it," is a
paraprosdokian. Winston Churchill loved them.
1. Do not argue with an idiot.
He will drag you down to his level
and beat you with experience.
2. The last thing I want to do is hurt you.
But it's still on my list.
3. Light travels faster than sound.
This is why some people appear
bright until you hear them speak.
4. If I agreed with you, we'd both be wrong.
5. We never really grow up, we only learn how to act in public.
6. War does not determine who is right - only who is left.
7. Knowledge is knowing a tomato is a fruit.
Wisdom is not putting it in a fruit salad.
8. Evening news is where they begin with 'Good Evening,'
and then proceed to tell you why it isn't.
9. To steal ideas from one person is plagiarism.
To steal ideas from many is research.
10. A bus station is where a bus stops.
A train station is where a train stops.
On my desk, I have a work station.
11. I thought I wanted a career.
Turns out I just wanted paychecks.
12. Whenever I fill out an application, in the part that says,
'In case of emergency, notify:' I put 'DOCTOR.'
13. I didn't say it was your fault, I said I was blaming you.
14. A clear conscience is the sign of a fuzzy memory.
17. You do not need a parachute to skydive.
You only need a parachute to skydive twice.
18. Money can't buy happiness,
but it sure makes misery easier to live with.
19. There's a fine line between cuddling
and holding someone down so they can't get away.
20. I used to be indecisive. Now I'm not so sure.
21. You're never too old to learn something stupid.
22. To be sure of hitting the target, shoot first
and call whatever you hit the target.
23. Nostalgia isn't what it used to be.
24. Change is inevitable, except from a vending machine.
25. Going to church doesn't make you a Christian
any more than standing in a garage makes you a car.
26. Where there's a will, there are relatives.
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Thanks for the smile, Kenna. These are very clever. I guess this means I'm in good company if Winston Churchill liked them, too.
ReplyDeleteHave a terrific time with your daughter.
Thanks, Sue. Judi sent me these this morning. I thought they were very clever, too. Hope the rest of my readers like them, too.
ReplyDeleteThe bus is so much more scenic and fun than flying. Looking forward to the trip. Bonus - Greyhound goes through the US, too! In a year or two I may plan another lengthy trip.
Kenna, that sounds like any of my stories. I do love the unexpected twist to a story :)
ReplyDeleteYes, Al, that's why I love your stories. Sue, you might enjoy looking at Al Ghostman Place's ebooks, inexpensive and if you join the second contest you, too, may receive a FREE Amazon.com gift card with which to grace your computer, and possibly with one of Al's great ghost stories or Pat Canella: the Dockland Murders.
ReplyDelete