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Showing posts with label war of 1812. Show all posts
Showing posts with label war of 1812. Show all posts
Saturday, June 18, 2016
Laura Secord's famous trek through history, retold
A little story for my Canadian readers. You all know the story of Laura Secord, who drove her cow through 20 miles of forest to warn the British of an American invasion during the 1812 war with the US. You also know of our famous Laura Secord chocolates based in Ontario, named after the heroine. This is a little tongue in cheek story of Laura's walk to fame, based on the real story but of course, embellished.
You Won a Milk Chocolate Gold Cigar
by Kenna Mary McKinnon
The white house at the bottom of the green hill
was more than twenty miles from the British forces at Beaver Hills. There in
the white house, a young woman, Laura
Secord, and her wounded soldier husband, James, billeted American troops. It
was June 21, 1813, the British forces unaware of a fiendish attack planned by
the chocolate eating Americans in Laura Secord's home. James lay helpless with
bullet wounds in his leg and shoulder, hardly able to lift a hand to pop a
miniature mint into his mouth.
"Good men," Laura said to their
slobbering guests, "I must go out and find Bossy Cow to have milk for the
liqueur tomorrow. Otherwise no Bossy no Candy."
"You nefarious Loyalist," a
captain said, "we won't need your box of miniatures tomorrow, nor a bag of
your perfect sized bars…"
"… all made from premium
chocolate." She concluded his sentence with pride. "Why not, may I
ask, good Captain, do you not require my premium chocolate, or perhaps a box of
premium teas?"
"Tea!" the Americans roared.
"Remember the Boston Tea Party!"
"Oops," Laura said. "Sorry, fellows."
"This is Canada," James said gently, raising himself onto his good
arm and reaching for a mug of French & Frosted Mint hot chocolate.
The American soldiers began to murmur
amongst themselves. Laura could hear "surprise attack" and "June
23" and "Beaver Dams". She knew the British commander,
Lieutenant James FitzGibbon, would be caught unaware if the Americans attacked
his post, as her husband had informed her that their encampment, reached only through
a trail of barbed wire, land mines, and cow dung, was not prepared for an
invasion. James had recently come back from Queenston Heights himself, where he
had been sorely wounded and now could scarcely lift a Milk Chocolate Crispy
Chip to his mouth.
So it was that the next morning, brave
Laura beat Bossy Cow with a stick ahead of her on the treacherous twenty mile
journey alone to Beaver Dams, to warn the British Lieutenant FitzGibbon and his
Loyalist troops of their danger.
She was successful.
The Americans were beaten back, and upper Canada held. No acknowledgment was
given to the slender, brown-eyed woman who so courageously trod the slippery
path of loyalty to the Crown and warned the British and their Mohawk allies of
an impending invasion. James later succumbed to an acute case of diarrhea, and
Laura died impoverished and unrecognized at the age of ninety-three, other than
having a number of schools, statues, a granite monument, a circulation stamp, a
chocolate factory, a deluge of articles, entries, and plays, and a coin named
after her.
Of course, that was after her death.
Small help it was to her then.
Brought to you by Blood Sister, a quirky and courageous mystery starring a schizophrenic young woman private eye and her two friends, formerly published under the title Red Herrings.
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Tuesday, September 17, 2013
The Grapes of Wrath
The Mormon Tabernacle Choir sings The Battle Hymn of the Republic.
The American Civil War. Does anyone really win a civil war?
See my infographic a few days ago. Sobering and sad.
More lives lost than any other American war, including WWII, the Vietnam war, the Korean War, Iraq/Afghanistan, and of course, 1812, when the British set fire to the White House! The latter isn't even mentioned in most histories, at least not accurately.
The War of 1812
We in Canada and Europe refer to Napoleon's siege of Moscow as the War of 1812.The Russians retreated and burned their villages, livestock, and gardens behind them, leaving nothing for Napoleon and his soldiers to live on during the harsh winter that followed.
Very smart and risky, winner takes all. It's said the brutal Russian winter defeated Napoleon.
The Confederates and the Union
What, then, of the Confederates and the Union? Brother fighting brother...Virgil Caine is my name...
Those American history buffs and native Americans know much more of American history than I, but two Canadian authors, Alison Bruce and Kat Flannery, have brought it alive.
Read about a fictional Civil War Christmas love story here:
War is hell.
Friday, April 12, 2013
Canadian Culture vs American Culture
Canadian Sense of Humor vs. American Lack of Sense of Humor
Americans take themselves too seriously
- Americans have no sense of humor but Canadians constantly laugh at themselves and their neighbors. And the world.
- Don't take yourselves so seriously American friends. Loosen up and fly right.
Invading Canada
- Don't think we'd be so easy to invade. We burned down your Whitehouse in 1812. hahahahah
- Correction: the British navy burned down your Whitehouse in 1812.
- The Canadians won the war of 1812.
- The Americans won the war of 1812.
- Nobody won.
- They both won.
Video: Aboriginals lost the war
- The First Nations Indians lost the war.
- Nobody else won or lost.
- It's all propoganda.
- But the British burned down your Whitehouse, hahaha
Comparing Economies
- You owe China and Japan so much money that you can never repay it. Never. Not even the interest.
- Our healthcare system is better than yours.
- However, we can't take handguns into malls.
- Want to compare economies?
- Alberta, Canada is importing foreign workers because we don't have enough workers in the service and retail industries, we don't have enough doctors or nurses, and we don't have enough tradespeople.
Know who our Prime Minister is?
What's his name?
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| Is this the PM of Canada? |
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| Prime Minister of Canada? |
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| Is this the happy face of our PM? |
Who has cuter kittens?
Okay, next time it's bash Canada day. Any suggestions? No, no, no, don't get nasty or arrogant now. We bash gently.
If you like this satirical post you may want to see something more serious on a previous post comparing Greece and the USA.
Or here, bashing the USA and Canada equally.
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